4 Questions to Get You Started Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Embarking on the journey of writing your own wedding vows is a beautiful opportunity to delve deep into the heart of your relationship, celebrating the unique connection you share with your partner. Composing original vows for your partner is about capturing the essence of your bond and the dreams you share for your future. But facing a blank page, knowing the weight and significance of the words you’re about to commit to, can be daunting. How do you begin to articulate such profound feelings and the promises that will shape your life together?

Crafting Stunning Vows is Easier than You Think

The beauty of crafting your own wedding vows lies in the realization that—because of its unique blend of moments, memories, and feelings— your relationship already contains everything needed to create truly touching and personal promises. You don't need to be a seasoned poet or a master of rhetoric to articulate your love and commitment. Sometimes, the most profound vows are born from the simplest moments: a shared glance, a quiet support, a burst of laughter. Keeping a phone note or journal to jot down thoughts as they occur, or to capture those fleeting moments of appreciation and love for your partner, can be an incredibly effective and genuine way to gather the right ingredients for your vows. This process doesn’t have to be daunting; it’s about noticing and cherishing the everyday aspects of your relationship that are worth promising more of in the future.

The key lies in reflection—on your relationship, your values, and the ways you enhance each other’s lives. Here are four thoughtful questions to help you navigate the path to vows that resonate deeply with both you and your beloved.

4 Questions to Get You Started

1. What shared values, beliefs, or passions first brought you together?

When embarking on the journey of vow writing, consider the pillars that hold up your relationship. These could be shared interests that bring joy, core beliefs that guide your decisions, or mutual questions about the world that spark deep conversations. Wedding vows transcend mere expressions of love; they are commitments to a shared life path. Reflecting on the values you both cherish can provide a solid foundation for these promises. Whether it’s a mutual dedication to family, a shared dream of adventure, or a joint endeavor in creativity, these shared aspects of your lives are the seeds from which your future together will grow. Your vows offer a moment to honor these shared values, affirming the strength and unity they bring to your relationship as you move into this next chapter together.

2. What have you discovered about yourself during the relationship?

Our partners often act as mirrors, reflecting the best versions of ourselves back to us. Reflect on how your partner makes you feel—more confident, perhaps, or more generous, in touch with your emotions, or even like a comedic genius. These qualities they bring out in you are testament to the depth of your connection and deserve a place in your vows. Acknowledge how, together, you've embarked on a journey of healing and growth, with marriage being a commitment to continually evolving into your best selves. Highlight the traits and moments that exemplify this mutual upliftment, celebrating the transformative power of your love.

3. What forms of support does your partner appreciate the most from you?

Understanding and catering to the unique ways your partner feels loved and supported underpins every nurturing relationship. Think about which actions or gestures reassure them of your love—be it encouraging them to pursue their passions, providing a listening ear for their concerns, or preparing their favorite meal after a long day. Your vows are an excellent opportunity to promise a continuation of this personalized support. Emphasize your commitment to keep learning and adapting the ways you show love, ensuring it resonates deeply with your partner’s needs and desires, and reinforcing the foundation of your shared life.

4. Are there things that feel too personal to say in front of an audience?

Crafting the perfect vows can sometimes feel overwhelming, given the pressure to balance originality with timelessness, and depth with humor. Recognizing that not all profound sentiments need public airing can liberate you from this pressure. You don't owe your guests an inside look into your vows, so ponder whether there are aspects of your vows that would feel more comfortable or meaningful if shared privately with your partner. These could range from inside jokes that have seen you through tough times, to dreams and fears shared just with one another. A private vow exchange before the ceremony might even add another layer of intimacy to your wedding, allowing you to share those private promises that are just for the two of you. This approach allows you to express the full spectrum of your feelings and commitments, ensuring that the most personal aspects of your bond are honored in a way that feels true to both of you.

Transforming Your Reflections into Heartfelt Vows

If you're not sure how to turn your reflections into vows, you're not alone. Many couples find themselves at this crossroads, looking back on their notes filled with love, laughter, and everything in between, wondering how these snippets of life can be woven into promises for their future. It may seem daunting, but this process unfolds more naturally than you might expect. Start by revisiting the phone notes or journal entries you’ve gathered, and search for recurring themes in your musings. These observations are not just fleeting thoughts; they are the building blocks of your vows—maybe it's the constant support you cherish or the adventures that bring you closer. These recurring themes serve as the connective tissue that will link your vows into a cohesive declaration of love and commitment.

Let’s say you’ve gathered your notes and identified the core themes of your reflections. Begin drafting with the assurance that your words don’t have to be perfect on the first try. Think of this initial draft as a conversation with your partner, one where you're sharing why you love them, how they’ve enriched your life, and the promises you want to make to them. This process is not about creating a literary masterpiece of literature but about getting to the heart of your relationship in words that are meaningful to both of you. It's perfectly okay to have a mix of sentiments—some grand and others delightfully mundane. Remember, the goal is to reflect the reality of your relationship, in all its beauty and complexity.

An Example of Original Vows

I'm going to give you an example of vows composed from these reflective questions. This example is meant to inspire and guide, not to set a template. Your love story is unique, and your vows will be, too. Remember that no set of vows could capture every nuance of your relationship—so don't try to cover them all. Your vows don't have to encompass the entirety of your journey together to deeply resonate with your partner. So I hope you embrace this process as an opportunity to celebrate the love you share, free from the pressure to articulate it perfectly.

I love you so much, and I promise to always cherish what we have. I first fell in love with you because of how brave you are, and I keep falling in love with you more each day because you make me braver, too. You're the most amazing person I know, and I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you.

You make me laugh harder than anyone. You’ve inspired me to take life less seriously, and enjoy the little things. I love how much fun we have together, and I promise to keep laughing and learning with you, because our friendship has always been the foundation of our relationship.

I vow to be your haven after a long day, the biggest champion of your ambitions, and your solace during hard times.

Today as I join my future with yours in the presence of our family and friends, I also pledge to hold sacred the parts of our bond that are ours alone and can't be put into words. Today, and for the rest of my days, I will be so proud to be your spouse.

If you’re feeling inspired but still seeking support to craft the perfect expression of your love, let’s collaborate to write vows that speak to the heart of your relationship. Reach out today to learn about my custom vow writing services that honor your unique love story and elevate your special day. Want more tips and ideas for a personalized or nontraditional wedding ceremony? Sign up for my newsletter!

Photos on this page by Stephanie Lima, Jan Kahánek, Eugenia Remark.