How to Ask a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding: 6 Dos and Don'ts for Popping the Question

Nothing beats choosing a loved one to officiate your wedding as a way to add a personal touch to your ceremony! Actually, that's why I went from officiating weddings professionally to creating Something New Ceremonies—a one-of-a-kind service and library of resources dedicated to supporting marriers who have opted for a "first-time officiant" (that's a friend or family member who got ordained online) instead of a pro. So if you found my website because you're about to ask a loved one to officiate, welcome! You're in the right place.

But asking a friend or family member to take on such a significant role in your big day comes with responsibilities and considerations that can make or break their experience—and yours! To make the process smooth and enjoyable for everyone involved, you'll need to plan ahead and communicate about your expectations. Since that's always easier said than done, I've created this quick guide with essential Dos and Don'ts for asking your loved one to officiate.

Don't Wait Until the Last Minute

Make no mistake, asking someone to officiate your wedding is not a small favor. It’s a significant task that requires time, preparation, and sometimes a bit of nerve. While it’s great that it’s never been easier for an amateur to successfully officiate a wedding, it’s important to remember that this is still skilled work that professionals dedicate their careers to. Be sure to ask your friend or loved one well in advance—ideally more than a few months before the big day. Waiting until the last minute (or even the last month, in wedding terms) can create unnecessary stress and make your officiant feel rushed and unprepared. The least you can do is give them ample time to get comfortable with their role.

Don’t Leave Them in the Dark About Your Vision

Your officiant can’t read your mind, so be proactive about communicating your vision for the ceremony. Whether you want a lighthearted, humorous tone or a formal, romantic atmosphere, share these details early on. Regular updates—such as confirming the venue, selecting the music, and securing the marriage license—help your officiant stay informed and prepared. While you should respect their time, keeping them in the loop with relevant updates is essential for seamless planning.

Do Familiarize Yourself With a Basic Wedding Ceremony Outline

Even if you’re not exactly sure what you want your ceremony to include, you should have a basic idea of how a wedding ceremony usually flows before you ask someone to perform yours. This helps you communicate effectively with your officiant from the start and sets clear expectations for what you’re asking them to do. Having a basic outline will also help you establish who is responsible for each part of the ceremony and any related tasks, such as running the rehearsal or filing the marriage license after the wedding. If you or your officiant needs more insight into the elements and flow of a ceremony, check out my post on how to structure a wedding ceremony.

Do Be Upfront About Financial Considerations

Weddings can be costly for everyone involved, including your officiant. Unlike other roles in the wedding party, there aren't clear norms around who covers expenses for a loved one acting as an officiant. If your budget allows, consider covering or contributing to your officiant’s travel and lodging expenses. Being transparent about what financial support you can offer will help set the right expectations and avoid misunderstandings.

Do Clarify Expectations Around Dress Code Early

If you have specific ideas or requirements for what your officiant should wear, let them know as soon as possible—even if you haven’t finalized the overall dress code yet. Not everyone is comfortable with parameters on what they wear, and this could be an important factor for your loved one to consider before agreeing to officiate. Early communication helps them prepare and ensures that everyone feels comfortable and confident on the wedding day.

Don’t Leave Them Guessing About Why You Asked Them

When you ask a loved one to officiate your wedding, make sure they understand why you chose them for this important role. Marriers often pick officiants for the unique atmosphere and energy they bring, knowing they'll help create the perfect vibe for their big day. You might have picked them because they’ll be standing with you at the altar, appearing in your most cherished photos, or because their presence gives you confidence and calm. Chances are, you also believe they’re capable of handling this significant ask and have a way with words that will make the ceremony extra special. Perhaps they even hold a unique place in your story, having been there from the start or even having introduced you to your partner. Whatever the reason, sharing these thoughts can help your officiant know which of their qualities to lean into, making the experience more personal and meaningful for everyone involved.

An Unforgettable Ceremony Starts with Your Officiant

Asking a friend or family member to officiate your wedding can be a wonderful way to add warmth and familiarity to your ceremony. By following these dos and don’ts, you’ll create an experience that is organized, enjoyable, and memorable for both you and your officiant. If you'd like further guidance on crafting the perfect ceremony script or supporting your first-time officiant, I’m here to help make your wedding dreams come to life!

Photos on this page by Getúlia Moraes, Sofia Hernandez, Jakob Owens, Alexander Mass, and Nathan Dumlao.